Tag Archives: expectations

Memory

Memory is a funny thing.

As a positive thinker, I usually only remember the good things about a place I’ve visited.

I forget the hours that we waited for a bus or how sore my feet got walking to a place, and just remember the wonderful monument that we saw when we got there or the cold drink that we consumed at the end of a walk.

The inconveniences that happened along the way become funny travel anecdotes that add humour to the story.

Perhaps there is a danger in always thinking the best of places. I often have to keep my expectations in check so as not to become disappointed with a return trip to a destination that I have visited before.

But almost always, the place is as good as I remember it to be and often better.

The times that it has not been so, is usually when key people have been missing. You know- the ones that made the place fun to begin with, or the people that were there for a pivotal time in your life.

Time and people can’t always be recreated, but a place can always be re visited, even if the place has changed. And this can prompt happy memories along with the creation of new memories with new people.

Maybe only remembering the positives is idealistic and blocking out all the bad stuff is bad for your mental health, especially if it all comes back later to haunt you. But I would rather remember the good times and the fabulous feeling of a place than be sad that time has moved on places have changed.

Returning to a place that I remember is like opening the first page on a book I’m re reading. I know the plot and the gist of the story, but I can’t remember the details and how I got to the end. I feel at ease, but enjoy discovering the little bits that make up the whole and discovering new journeys- kind of like a choose your own adventure book (children of the 80’s will remember those!).

At the end of the day, nobody can tarnish your memories unless you let them, except for yourself. They are your own personal memories and wouldn’t you rather have good ones?

Related posts: Nostalgia

Kicking goals

My first life goal was to travel to every country in the world. But when my dad’s friend told me he was fifty and not even close, I thought that this goal may be impossible.

When it was time to choose a job, I felt like there were too many options and failed to choose definitively as a result. I started in print production, tried architectural visualisation, was an Executive Assistant and dabbled in PR before I fell into events.

I am not one for career goal setting. My most hated question is still “where do you see yourself in five years?” I am more of a doer than a manager and never aspire to manage anyone except myself.

I once read an Anthony Robbins book about excelling and goal setting- visualisation and making a plan. Some of what he said made sense and I pictured myself as a travel writer working for the Lonely Planet and living in San Francisco with my pet Labrador.

Mr. Robbins said anything was possible, but maybe he wasn’t thinking about the difficulty of getting a green card at the time. I also consider myself a realist, so found it pretty improbable that everyone in the world can be successful as he claimed.

My parents weren’t career people either. They worked to live which meant a house and enough money for the next holiday. As a result I have no pressure to earn money and many great travelling memories.

It didn’t occur to be ambitious, plan to own property or get married. I am not much of a consumer either. I don’t buy designer handbags or keep up with fashion. I never really think further than booking the next trip overseas.

I heard someone say the other day that if you have low expectations, they are fulfilled- so perhaps that’s why I am content. I don’t feel the struggle to reach goals in work or life or to have things.

Popular culture teaches us that we should pursue our goals to the expenses of all others, stepping on anyone or anything that gets in our way. We have to sacrifice everything for our ultimate goal and make ourselves heard.

My ultimate goal is to be a columnist, publish a book and continue travelling the world. But are these goals realistic? And if so, what am I doing with a day job? Should I be putting all my skills and resources into travelling and writing this blog, in the hope that someone will love my travel writing and want me to be a columnist or publish a book, ignoring the fact that I still need to earn money to survive?

I guess what I am getting at, is trying to find the happy medium between making your goals happen and living in the real world.

Let me know when you have the answer ok?

Related posts: USA, 1990, Top 5 Wildlife to Spot in California, I first started traveling, The Seven Year Itch, By special request, TV Replays and Movie Marathons, All Creatures Great and Small, Relationships: My five (per)cents worth, I first started writing

Friendship: Great Expectations?

In high school, my female best friend and my male best friend became friends and I could not handle it. I cut both of them out of my life. Not one to ever be jealous in relationships, I had discovered that I was an amazingly jealous person in friendships. I did not have a best friend again until ten years later, well into my working life.

In my twenties it was easy to make friends. Everyone was single, had enough energy to go out all the time and with no high responsibility jobs, mortgages or children it left more time for socialising. But as I left my twenties I realised that a lot of these people were merely acquaintances that I saw out or at parties.

As I moved through jobs, I was often surprised at who ended up staying in touch once I left a place of employment. That’s life, it wasn’t meant to be and you can’t stick around in the dead end jobs just because of the great work friends you have there. Sometimes you were only friends with people because you worked with them and then once that reason is gone, the friendship is also gone.

Having friends all over the world in the UK, Canada and Asia; I find that wherever you are you miss people. My best friend is currently lives in Baku, Azerbaijan but that does not mean that she is not my best friend. And one of the women I most relate to is in Canada with two kids to keep her busy so I don’t know when I will chat to her again; but that doesn’t mean that I don’t value her friendship.

In my opinion, friendship can only be enjoyed if it is two way. Otherwise what’s the point? This is a lesson I learnt early on in life. If you really want to see someone, you make the effort and you make it happen.

Or maybe it’s about expectations? Maybe my own expectations of friendship are too high? Or maybe my expectations of friendship change as I change as a person? Maybe being different to your friends actually equals longevity of friendship? I have learnt that by letting go of some friendships, I have made room in my life for new friends which have opened me up to new experiences and challenges.

I have been lucky to meet some great people along my journey through life, learn the value of quality over quantity and hopefully ended up with friendships that last a lifetime.

Related posts: Home is where you make it, Travel rememberings